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As a writer who talks about dating and relationships, what has always amazed me when it comes to relationships is how people completely disregard compatibility.

They describe what it’s like to be with their guy and it almost sounds like they’re talking about their arch-enemy… Sometimes the relationship started out well and then over time disintegrated into something that resembles resentment and abuse rather than love or respect.

I couldn’t see past my attachment to those relationships, though, or past my blind desire to make things work because I didn’t want to fail, I didn’t want to be rejected, and I didn’t want to lose someone.

In my late teens and early twenties, for example, I knew that I wanted a girl that had a hot, fit body and a beautiful face.

Now, in my thirties, I realize how much I value having a woman who really “gets” me …

Being around them doesn’t require effort and I don’t want anything from them.

I would have just as much fun driving in the car with them and chatting as I would doing something “exciting.” On the other hand, there are people who I meet that immediately make me feel uncomfortable and defensive.

To put it more bluntly, you must offer something that is much more rare and valuable than sex if you want him to treat you as something important in his life. Ask yourself: what are you bringing to the table beside a physical hookup that he values deeply? Having it isn’t enough to make a relationship and withholding it isn’t enough to cast some kind of “love spell” on a guy (maybe it worked 100 years ago, but withholding sex till X date is just plain obsolete now … Men have a deep unconscious fear that their life, their contribution to the world and their existence is pointless, meaningless, and insignificant.

i want you dating-45

I want you dating

At the same time, every man has hopes, dreams, and aspirations.Insecurity stinks of desperation and desperation kill attraction.So change what you can to be sexier and more physically alluring and appealing.a woman that I know how to be there for and who knows how to be there for me. When I realized it, I mentally revisited my past relationships and realized something very important that I want to pass along to you…MORE: 10 Telltale Signs He’s Ready to Settle Down with me. I can clearly see now, years later after all the emotion and attachment is completely gone, we never would have reached that level of intimacy that is ultimately valuable to me in a relationship.What men desire most is a woman who inspires them to be their best self. Instead of focusing on the feelings and experience they create for the man, the woman fixates on her own wants, her own worries, her own fears.Being that woman is a much different mindset than what most women typically do these days. And amidst this completely self-absorbed mindset consumed by what she wants, it’s no wonder that she’s unable to hook a man’s interest in a significant way, one that goes beyond just hooking up.There is definitely something attractive about a woman who owns her imperfections and is totally OK with them.Conversely, being insecure is a massive energy drain to you and the people around you.Sure, that woman might cook him dinners, perform in bed, and tell him how much she likes him, but none of that stuff penetrates a man’s psychology on a deep and meaningful level. When you really understand and master the art of tapping into the deep parts of a man’s psyche, he will want to move mountains to possess you.MORE: 5 Signs He’ll Never Commit to You Men don’t start out there when they first meet a woman, though.

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